Friday, September 6, 2013

Pride and other junk

I struggle with it.
I know we all do to some level.
I just notice mine the most because I'm around it ALL the time.

I enjoy my alone time. I enjoy quiet. I enjoy privacy.
These aren't things I get much of with 2, 3, and 4 year old boys at home. But I still long for them.

As much as I long for them, though, I know that they aren't always good for me. Kind of the whole "everything in moderation" saying goes.

We are now living in a town home community. A big one. With gates. I feel out of my league. I feel like I need to justify or clarify why we live in a "gated community" because I don't feel like a "gc" kind of girl. And not only does it get me out of my comfort zone in this way, but also in the way of what I mentioned above. I like alone and quiet and private. And this is a little more challenging in this community. But it's also part of the reason we chose it.

We are living in a new town and I know very few people. I loved the little one-level home back in the woods where my boys could probably run around outside naked and not be seen. But I also knew that it would be harder for us (me) to meet people. And easier for me to be alone. And private. At least as much as I could with 3 small boys. And so, we chose the town home.

The boys make friends easily. Because anyone that doesn't look like an adult to them is automatically a friend. Sometimes I wish it was that easy for me. But then pride steps in (along with me just being an introvert too!). I want to know if you will be a good friend before I say we are friends. I want to know if I can trust you first. I want to figure out if I like you first. And lots of other things that keep me from making friends. I have very few people I have truly called friends in my adult life. It's sad, I know. It's not a pity party. For me, it's just a reality as well as something I'm trying to work through. Something that I somehow want to be different now that we are in a different place. But I am still me and I am still with me in this new place...
I read this other blog not too long ago and agreed COMPLETELY.

So, the pride. It's gross. I don't like it. Sometimes I don't even see (or feel or hear or whatever) it creep in and all of a sudden it's like vines that are taking over! I judge myself for living in this community and thinking I shouldn't. And I'm afraid of being judged for living in this community. But then I do it to others. To my neighbors. To people I see out walking dogs (there are SO many dogs in here!). I judge their cars, and their strollers, and their kid's cars, and their lawns, and their car-cleaning company that comes right to their driveway...I judge them for how long they linger over their kid getting on the bus in the morning...I judge how they yell at their kid...or how they don't seem like they are even paying attention to their kid...

It's gross. It's sin. It keeps me from making friends. It keeps me from being friendly. It keeps my focus on me. It's pride and I wish I could wish it away. I don't want to be so consumed with pride, and so consumed with self that I miss all the opportunities I have. To make friends and to be a friend. To be a better mom and learn from others. To be open to what God truly wants from us in this new town and from me in my new (and maybe temporary, but who knows for now) role of SAHM (stay at home mom).

I know there's more. There's more to making friends and to being a good friend. There's more to being an influencer. There's more to being a light in dark places. There's more to why people are the way they are, and I want to be more aware of that. Why they yell (or why I yell!), why they baby their kids, why they put so much attention on outward appearance, why, why, why...

I want to know what it feels like to hurt for others instead of judging others. I want to be better at encouraging others outwardly instead of judging others inwardly. I want to be more humble. And yet, I don't. Because I'm scared of what that might look like...

BUT, here goes..."God, make me more humble. Empty me of me and fill me with more of YOU!"

Thursday, September 5, 2013


We have made the move.
We are still adjusting and unpacking and changing address info, and all that time-consuming fun stuff. But WE'RE HERE!
But just because we are back with Matt as a family again doesn't mean we want to stop the adventures we were having when visiting. There is so much exploring we can do, it's just a matter of finding the right spots...and being a bit spontaneous too.

We found some gems recently.
 Without a doubt, all 3 boys LOVE to be outside.

With the humidity dropping and the weather cooling off, it's a great time of year for some hiking. Matt found a spot called Bull Run Mountain that is great because it's not too terribly far from us (seems not much is here) and we didn't have too much elevation change, making it easier on the boys. AND it was almost all completely shaded. Even better!

And then we decided we wanted to find something fun to do to celebrate Labor Day. Not just go to the pool or have a cookout, but something a little different and spontaneous. But we were aiming for free too!
Matt (again) found a place called Lee District Park. It's a little further from us, but well worth the drive. We mainly picked it for the free spray ground (which turned out to be a way bigger free spray ground than we had ever found or been too!), but were more than excited for the playground just outside the water section. 
 Isaiah playing with the water coming up between his legs.
 Judah playing a form of twister, but really just trying to stop all the water.
 Micah patiently waiting for the water bucket to dump on his head.
 Playing together: Isaiah (just shy of 2), Micah (4.75), Judah (3.5)
 Judah being spider man while wearing spider man.
 Micah, proud of himself for getting to the top.

When we arrive about 10 minutes before it opened, the line waiting to get in was about 50 people deep. Not what I was expecting.
The boys had fun, but water makes you hungry, and once we found out food was not allowed inside (not because we saw a sign or saw it in the rules or were told at the gate as we lugged in our coolers, BUT because we were eating and were told not to...) we decided we would play until the boys couldn't handle NOT eating. Then we'd go enjoy our picnic lunch and head to the play ground.
It was the kind with the REALLY soft flooring and lots of slides and very different elements than other normal playgrounds. And great for all ages (not just the 5-12 years old kids it says it's good for...since none of mine fall in that category yet...)!
I'm sure we would go back just for the play ground (and getting to stop at Whole Foods AND Trader Joes on the way home!!).