Isaiah, tapping out.
I've never wanted my kids to be involved in wrestling.
But having 3 boys, I've been told they "need" wrestling as boys. They need to get that energy out and feel connected in that way. And I see it now. I do. I just want them to do it where and with whom their supposed to (and this doesn't always happen) but I do get it.
And it wasn't until I learned all this that I learned what "tap out" means. Not sure I know exactly, but I know for our boys it's when they are being wrestled and they need out. They need to be done. They need the person who is weighing them down to get off of them.
Some days I feel like I just need to Tap Out.
There is so much wrestling that goes on in my head on a daily basis. And so much that weighs me down some days. I just want to tap out. I want to stop wrestling in my head. Want to stop over analyzing EVERY. little. thing. Want to stop carrying the burden. I mean, some days it feels like everything. From the food that goes into our mouths to the piles of laundry to making sure my kids are "smart enough" for school and all that involves, to making sure bills are paid...and the list goes on.
I don't always feel overwhelmed. I think in general I am a pretty cool, calm, and collected person. But there are wrestling matches that go on in my head. And in my house. From simple things like have my boys had any fruits or vegetables today, to bigger things, like where are my kids going to go to school and how are we going to make sure we as parents are the biggest influences in their lives instead of friends/peer pressure.
There are so many things I could worry about. So many things I DO worry about. I worry about money, and school, and food, and good looks, and material possessions, and how my boys will turn out, and how much damage I am doing to them, and our old house we still own, and blah, blah, blah, blah...
And then I think about how easy I have it and I feel bad for worrying about any of these things! I know I will have a next meal and I know where it will come from. I know we have 1 car even if we don't have 2 and the one we have is ghetto. I know we have a roof, and clothes, and schools to choose from, and heat, and multiple Bibles, and a Jesus who loves us and died for US. We have so much to be thankful for and we are so blessed! And this is what I need to remember when the wrestling starts to happen. I need to Tap Out. Not just to ignore, but to get out from under the weight of it all and LET JESUS take over. Because that's what he wants. And that's what I need. I need to get over myself, and look beyond myself, and allow myself to be loved by Jesus and love others like Jesus. The worry and the weight gets in the way of all of this.
So "tap out."
I'm letting Go.
And letting Jesus. Take. Over.