Me and Bob Goff!
There are a few things that stick out more than others. That keep rolling around in my head. That won't get out of my thoughts. One was something Bob Goff (wrote the book Love Does) said in his talk to close out the two-day conference. It was in the mix of other stuff. But it stood out to me. It's not something I haven't heard before. But is obviously something I needed to hear again. And something I need to process.
"I would rather fail trying than fail watching."
My immediate thought was, "I would rather not fail. I would rather not fail than fail trying."
I'm not totally sure why. I'm not sure what has put this in me. I know I have always been the person that doesn't want to raise my hand in class unless I know I'm right. I don't want to risk being wrong. I'm the person that wouldn't try out for a team if I thought I wouldn't make it. I wouldn't apply for a job unless I was sure I was going to get it. It doesn't mean I always accomplished these things, but when I was wrong or would lose or would not make the team or wouldn't get hired...I was reminded of why I didn't want to try in the first place. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear. Lots and lots of fear.
But God is not a God of fear. And he has not called us to live in fear. He has called us to live in LOVE. And there is risk in love.
But maybe it's worth it?
Yes, I think it's worth it.
This is still in my head right now. I don't think it has made it to my heart. There is still fear for me. I still sort of think I would rather not fail than fail trying. Because if I fail trying, then I might be a failure. For some reason I think I am going to be defined by this. By my mess-ups. By my failures.
But my mind is sort of shifting to start wondering if this is also failing? Am I failing by not even trying? Not trying to just BE ME. Not trying to risk relationship. Not trying to make new friends. Not trying to figure out what my story is and how God wants me to live it. Not trying new things.
My thinking is starting to shift a little.
Just a little.
Because it is still hard and scary and I still have a fear of failure.
But I think my definition of failure needs to change a little. Or a LOT.
And I need to remember something else Bob said, "It's okay to fail because you'll fall into the arms of Jesus."
So...it's okay to try, and fail, and fall into the arms of Jesus!
I know there is so much more to this. And to all the other questions and statements that people were speaking directly to me during those two days.
But here's to trying. And risk. And failure. And falling. Into His arms.