Being a Mommy

I didn't always want to have kids. At least the actual "have" part. Fear of the labor, the pain, the needles, the weight gain, the side effects. I thought adoption might be an option.

But as I thought about how short the pregnancy all the way through labor would be compared with the amount of time spent with the child, it made having kids seem not so bad after all. Even if I had 24 hours of grueling labor cooped up in a crappy hospital, could that compare to the sheer joy of bringing a life into this world? Could that compare with the first smiles and first steps and first words, and all the other firsts I have yet to even experience?? I think not! (And I ended up really enjoying most of my pregnancy, too!)

So, even in coming to terms with knowing that I definitely wanted to have kids and wanted to have them, I don't think I had any concept of how much I would truly enjoy being a mother! I knew I wanted to be one, I knew I would enjoy it, I knew it would change me for the better, I knew I would love my children, but the kind of love I have learned to feel for my child I cannot even begin to express into words. It is almost unbelievable to me how much love I feel for my son!

He recognizes me and smiles at me, and he really likes that I feed him!! But that's about it. He can't tell me that he loves me yet, he can't come running to me to cry on my shoulder when something bad happens yet, and I don't think he even has any idea of what love is. It's like how we are with God before we truly know Him, before we have a relationship with Him. We know who He is and maybe even know that He is good, and we know we want to know him when we need something, and yet, even in our naivety, He loves us SO much, even though He will get nothing in return!! This is a new understanding of this concept for me. Not something I haven't ever thought about before, but a new understanding of it because of Micah. God has given me a love greater than I have ever known before for a little being in my life that doesn't even know how to love back yet. God has given me the ability to love without wanting anything in return for this love I can show. God is love and He is showing me, through Micah, how to love like He loves!

Being a mommy is great! I love every moment of it (good or bad, all of it seems good because God has given me this gift and I want to cherish it all!). But learning to be more like Christ through being a mommy is even better! God is cool!